I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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