i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed