i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?