i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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