so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.