Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.