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Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
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