If i come over, it means nothing
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem