I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?