don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.