I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.