So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
