Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
