did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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