Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
