I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
