after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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