You surviving the open bar?
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She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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