I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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