This dress was meant to end up on your floor
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
