when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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