and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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