i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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