what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
