using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
