i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
