just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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