So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
