she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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