did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
