so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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