Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
