areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
