If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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