Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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