I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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