Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
