Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
