I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
