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Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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