I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
