I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
