i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i came on her dog
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
