they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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