glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
