ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
