My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
