I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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