If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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