well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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