I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
