i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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