smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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