those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
