im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
