Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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