Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
