weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
