Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
