Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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