First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
