I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
