the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
