You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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