somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.