It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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