I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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