I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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