be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
