my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
