Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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