Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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