So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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