I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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