Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
