Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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