there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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