haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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