We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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