All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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