her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
