I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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