I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
